I have not been here in awhile.   You have my apologies.    I am in some sort of weird transition and because it is something I am not familiar with, my anxiety and self sabotage are bugging me.  I am annoyed with it; as in I should be enjoying my time right now.  

Needless to say, I just woke up in my sleep and I am sure that it was a night terror sort of deal.   I woke up soaking wet with sweat, feeling hot, and vibrating.     When that usually happens I can hear my doctor saying, “Are you sure it’s not low blood sugar?”  Of course, I start to hyperventilate that I am going to go into some sort of low sugar shock and start knawing on a tasteless protein bar.   But I am sure it is not low blood sugar; just a night terror in my sleep.   But in the moment of it; my mind races with all the poor outcomes of why I am suddenly wide awake with a ball of jumbled feelings.  

I want to call my mom and ask her to sit with me.   I cry because the thought alone makes me feel like some sort of incomplete human.   I have my phone in my hand ready to dial but I don’t.   I want to push myself to get through this what ever it is.  

I have done all my laundry so there is no real task for me to keep my mind busy.   I figure why not watch a nice and fuzzy warm movie.   I scour through the online listing of available movies to watch but I am suddenly in sweat fits again as all I can see are horror movies.   Why can’t there be a list of movies called, “Soothes her During her Night Terrors”?

I am about to text my best friend and just vent that my mind is not letting me sleep but I am in no mood for it.   She has been been miserable lately and dealing with her own anxiety.    So that option is out. 

I watch two ambulances zoom past my window with all their lights flashing.  The lights alone jolt my anxiety from it’s almost slumber.   My mind races about where they are off too.   

I figure the only option I have left is turning on one of the Sex and The City movies and playing oodles of solitare until I fall back to sleep.   If not, I could always wash walls.   No.  Ha ha.  

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